To Believe
by LilPurplFlwr
Summary: Ryou tries to live his life to the fullest, with no regrets, as his condition worsens while those closest to him struggle to see reality through his perspective. One-shot - character death. Slight Malik x Ryou


A/N:  This is an AU.  Something important to know would be that Bakura (senior) and Ryou (junior) are brothers in this fan fiction.  Malik is a transfer senior. This is a Malik/Ryou pairing…well slightly.  This fic is not to get those two together.

~*~_To Believe_~*~

"Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop" 

by Lilpurplflwr

~*~*~

Comfortably perched on a wide tree branch, seventeen-year-old Malik Ishitar let his eyes wander along the boy's slender body.  Seated quietly on the bench under the shady tree on a cool late fall afternoon, with incoming gray rain clouds, sixteen-year-old Ryou Bakura was bundled in a thick hooded sweatshirt and was reading what looked like a book of quotes.

Suddenly, the school building's front door was slammed open quite violently.  Through stealthy observation, Malik recognized the protective senior as Ryou's older brother, known to Malik only by the name of Bakura.

The taciturn junior under the tree only glanced up, unfazed by the noise, and waited as his brother stormed up to him and loomed over him threateningly.

"You're missing your fifth period, Ryou-chan," Bakura's visual expression softened at the endearing tranquil stare his younger brother always gave.

"I'm sorry, Baku,"  Ryou murmured, shutting his book and taking a slow inhale before his brother helped him up.

Together, the two platinum-haired siblings walked slowly into the school building.

Seconds later, Malik gracefully leapt onto the ground and ran for his fifth period class that he actually also shared with 'Baku'.

~*~*~

'I'm sorry, Ryou-chan.  I have soccer practice today.  Let me ask one of my friends to send you home.'

Ryou had shaken his head, even after Bakura had insisted.  Having been born early, Ryou was deaf and had some heart problems, which resulted in symptoms like asthma attacks and such.  Naturally, the pale junior could not participate in physical education or any activities like that at all.  Yet, Ryou insisted that he could walk home by himself.

Bakura, skeptical as usual, would have forced his younger brother into a friend's car if Ryou had not been able to pacify him with an earnest pleading look.

So after Ryou said goodbye to his classmates, though many had already disappeared to their own activities, he slowly began to walk down the cold sidewalk, staring wearily at the dark-gray sky.

"Oh dear, it looks like rain," Ryou shivered to himself, smelling the coming weather through the occasional breeze.

A tanned hand waved itself in front of Ryou's eyes to catch his diverted attention.  Turning to see the new transfer senior smiling down upon him, Ryou blinked rapidly to see if he was hallucinating.

"Hi, Ryou," Malik greeted rather shyly, "Would you like a ride home?"

"Hmm?" Ryou felt almost breathless and reached instinctively for his inhaler, but did not use it, "Could you please repeat that?" He was not able to catch Malik's words because Ryou was not focusing on Egyptian's lips.

At first, Malik was thoroughly confused.  He had not stuttered as he had imagined he would.

"Are you deaf or something?" Malik rudely, but accidentally, blurted out.

Ryou gave a very short distant tinkling laugh, "Why, yes I am. I read lips.  Is that what you first asked?"

Malik looked sheepish, but was shook out of it when a light raindrop hit the bridge of his nose, "I asked if you would like a ride home.  It will be raining soon."

Ryou looked up and a drop of water splashed against his petal-soft lips, "I see," he replied softly, "I would love a ride…you're Malik, right?"

"How did you know?" Malik led Ryou over to his car and opened the passenger side door for the platinum-haired junior.

"Baku told me about you," Ryou said simply and smiled, "Do you need anyone to show you around town?"

~*~*~

By the time Malik found the way to Ryou's house, it was steadily raining.  The Egyptian teen was fuming at his inability to find the rather small house. Fortunately, Ryou found Malik quite amusing.

Opening the black umbrella that he kept in the backseat, Malik stepped out of his car and over to Ryou's side, where the smaller boy coupled up with him under the temporary shelter before they reached the front door.

Malik, who was planning on leaving soon after he saw the boy home, felt himself gently tugged into the warm house by Ryou's pale hand.

Ryou sighed gratefully, looking out the window at the gray gloominess, as he slowly closed the curtains to keep the heat insulated in the house, "You know, Malik, as you tolerate this kind of dreariness, you just have to remember there will be a rainbow to cherish soon after." 

Malik gave Ryou a calculating look of deep wonderment, "I understand."

"I knew you would," Ryou walked into the kitchen, right after speaking incoherent words to a picture of his mother and father before softly beckoning Malik to follow.

Malik sat down at the kitchen table, which only had three chairs set up, and watched Ryou fiddle with the coffee maker and retrieve a cup.

"Coffee is okay, right?  Baku's nuts about it," Ryou smiled fondly as he talked about his older brother.

"Yep. I'm a coffee addict myself," Malik gave a devilish grin, but Ryou did not return it.

Instead the boy pulled out his inhaler, turned his back upon Malik, and took the medicine.  Ryou breathed a soft sigh of relief before storing the object back into his pocket.

Feeling highly alarmed, Malik urgently got up from the chair to check upon the boy, but Ryou motioned him to sit down.

"I'm okay."

"You better be," came the familiarly harsh, yet caring, voice of Bakura.

"Baku," Ryou turned his chocolate-brown eyes to his brother, "You are early."

"Rain," Bakura explained simply, and glanced at Malik, who met his stare head on.

"Hello, Bakura," Malik ventured a greeting, sounding secluded.

"Malik Ishtar.  Interesting to see you congregating with my little brother," Bakura answered, equally remote and somewhat cold.

Ryou, completely bewildered, got a second cup for his brother, who grumbled his thanks and patted Ryou gently on top of his silky white locks.

"Baku, are you going to take a shower?  You're quite damp.  I don't want you sick," Ryou tenderly scolded, whereupon Bakura just shot Malik another withering glance before stalking down the hall to the large bathroom.

"I always wanted to say what a sweet brother you had," Malik tried to make a light joke of it, but Ryou looked rather upset, which made Malik feel exceedingly guilty, for he loved Ryou's genuine tiny smiles.

"I find it unusual that you two don't seem to get along when you're so similar.  Like you always put up a shield around others.  But you'll never easily make friends like that," Ryou sipped at the glass of milk he had gotten for himself, "Friendship is what holds the world together.  A faithful friend is the medicine of life, someone once said."

At that moment, Ryou looked suddenly pensive, nearly melancholy, before he heaved a sigh and murmured something to himself.  The only phrase Malik was able to catch was '-should be happy'.

"I noticed you reading a book of quotes this afternoon.  You must love them, right?" Malik was trying to make some pleasant conversation, but it seemed to be failing.  Maybe it was the weather.

"Mmhmm," Ryou murmured, a sparkle coming back into his dull eyes, "They're really inspiring and interesting.  They really make you think.  And you believe in them."

"Really? I always like the quote 'Insanity is just anger put to good use'," Malik smirked.

Ryou just smiled and nodded, "Yes, Baku-chan just proves it true."

Malik laughed, "No, I thought it described me."

Ryou gave the Egyptian a curious look, "Really? Want to tell me about it?"

Malik shook his head slightly, "Let's just say I have a lot of past anger that I really wish to forget.  I honestly wish it never happened."

"But I always believed that one should never regret the past.  It makes you what you are today," Ryou pointed out.

"What does it matter if no one likes me for what I am?" Malik glared at the offended kitchen counter, "All my life…well, it hasn't been good."

"I like you," Ryou rested his chin on his arms on the table, "That's why you should live with no regrets."

Malik rested his own head against his palm, "Thanks.  That means a lot to me, but I'm not saying I'm going to immediately think myself the greatest thing in the world."

Slowly Ryou's eyes slid close.  Malik stared at him, seeing that he had actually fallen into a light doze.  Not surprised, Malik went over to the nodding junior and picked him up, shifting Ryou effortlessly so the boy cuddled against him.

After finding Ryou's room, which was considerably easier than finding the house since it was labeled 'Ryou's Room', Malik smoothly set the boy down and covered him up.  When Malik exited the room, he caught sight of Bakura with a towel wrapped around his slim waist, leaning against the bathroom doorway and smoking a cigarette.

"So he fell asleep on you," Bakura stated bluntly.

Malik just nodded, shutting Ryou's door as softly as he could.

"And you aren't even a bit annoyed?" Bakura raised a perfect slender eyebrow.

"No, I am not." Malik firmly answered, "What's it to you anyways?"

"I'm his big brother.  I'm out to protect the little guy, okay?  So sue me," Bakura set his eyes in a hard gaze and peered into Malik's lavender eyes, "So what's with you and Ryou?"

Malik shrugged.  He could not necessarily say.

"Well, if you love him, tell him.  And don't let him go and get taken away," Bakura seemed to challenge, and then blew a smoke ring, muttering, "Ryou's going to kill me again."

"For smoking?" Malik asked.

"Yeah.  Do I have to show you out?" Bakura gave Malik an eerie look.

Naturally, Bakura still followed Malik to the door, having donned on a bathrobe.  When Malik disappeared into the dark murky rainfall, Bakura headed for Ryou's room to check on Ryou and felt satisfied with the calm, untroubled breathing.

'Hate to admit it, Ishtar, but you're starting to make a difference in my brother's life,' Bakura grudgingly thought to himself.

~*~*~

Throughout the next month, Malik and Ryou were barely separable.  Each afternoon, Malik would come over and they would fondly talk, ignoring a grumbling brother who would come into the kitchen or living room every half an hour to check upon them.

One day, having rested Ryou on the bed, Malik was about to leave.

"I'm not asleep yet," Ryou's soft voice murmured, "Come back here, you ditcher."

Malik chuckled and returned to Ryou's bedside, "I'm sorry.  I thought you were asleep."

"Maybe," Ryou whispered, "Stay with me a while."

The room filled with silence, before Ryou spoke again quietly, "Malik…do…you love anyone?"

Malik thought this over, wondering if he should be confessing his feelings when Ryou could not be conscious enough to understand, so the senior cautiously replied, "Yes.  Yes, I do."

"Good," Ryou breathed, "Then you'll always have that perfect someone…always…"

Malik stayed silent for a while, before he questioned, "What do you mean?"

There was no answer, except the sound of contented inhalation.  Malik looked at the peace that was depicted clearly upon the boy's face, before hesitatingly leaning over and leisurely brushing his lips against Ryou's.

Though Malik did not know as he left, Ryou was feigning sleep.

~*~*~

A few months later, Malik started to notice that Ryou was attending school less often and the Egyptian started to worry.  Usually, Malik would wait for Ryou at lunch and after school to drive him home, but the junior was now absent for three or four days straight, before he might come to school for half a day.  Bakura came to school half-awake and hazzled.  Bakura's school grades began to drop rapidly.  Malik could not proclaim that Bakura had been crying, but whatever it was, it was tearing Bakura apart.

First Malik had thought Ryou had caught a type of flu and did not want company.  Soon enough, Malik, overcome with worry and anxiety, drove through a rain shower over to the small house and almost knocked Bakura over when the senior opened the door.

"Ryou?" Malik whispered as he entered the terribly warm room.

The little angel was lying under a few layers of heavy blankets, breathing heavily with his eyes closed.  Each breath seemed to be an attempt to regain some life.  Every other minute, the unhealthy junior would cough a dry, horrible cough and then wheeze for some oxygen.  His face was flushed a very light pink color, yet the rest of Ryou was almost deadly white.

"Malik!" Bakura snapped at the doorway, "Get away from my brother."

Suddenly Ryou's eyes blinked open, staring up at the ceiling, like if he had sensed another presence, "Baku," he breathed slowly, "Won't you let him stay?"

Mindful of his brother, Bakura left with a huff.

Painfully slow, Ryou shifted his eyes to where Malik was sitting on his bed, "Hi…"

"Ryou, what's wrong?" Malik asked quickly, lightly caressing Ryou's clammy face, "How are you feeling?  What's going on?"

Clear liquid welled up in the brownie-colored, but bloodshot, eyes.  The tears slowly dripped down Ryou's pale face as he shuddered.

"What is it?  What's wrong?" Malik asked huskily again, unable to shout but finally seeing with his own eyes the pure, overwhelming sadness and misery of his closest friend, the one he wished was more than a friend.

"I-I'm…so…s-sorry," Ryou managed to say; his crying was enabling him to get his required breaths.

"Calm down, please!" Malik, again, tried to keep his voice down, but he was beginning to panic.

Ryou had never broken down before.  It did not seem to matter how many problems he seemed to have; he was always strongly resilient.

Ryou gasped for a long breath and then had a long coughing fit.  Bakura burst into the room, a wild, scared look on his face.

"What the fuck did you do?" Bakura hissed venomously, aware to keep his voice down.  For some reason, you would get the feeling to never speak loudly near Ryou, deaf or not.

"I didn't do anything!" Malik retorted, wiping Ryou's tears away.

"You better get out now," Bakura harshly warned, running a shaky hand through his hair as he looked over his younger brother's condition.

"Baku…" Ryou panted, "No…"

"But Ryou-chan," Bakura tried to reason with the sick boy, "He's making you worse."

"If he is…I don't care," Ryou spoke adamantly, "He isn't."

Bakura looked helplessly at his persistent sibling.  Ryou did not return the gaze, but unsteadily reached for the book that was resting on his bedside table.  Malik reached for it for him, and opened it to the marked page.

"Life isn't measured by the breath you take, but the things that take your breath," Malik read aloud at the passage that was highlighted in light blue.

"Believe in it," Ryou whispered, before he made a choked sound, and coughed again.  His breathing became more laborious.

"Ryou!" Bakura cried out, his composure completely shattering.

"I'm sorry…Baku—ra." Ryou mumbled out, "I…love you."

"Don't leave me!" the white-haired demon commanded, but it seemed fruitless.

Malik sat there, utterly stunned.  Everything was disappearing into a fast whirlwind.

"Malik…" Ryou reached for his friend, and the senior clasped onto Ryou's cool hand, the one had first seemed to drag Malik into his life, "I l-love you too…remember…no regrets…"

"By Ra!" Bakura screamed, "Stop talking like you are going to die!  You're going to live, damn it!!  Don't leave me alone on this hellish place!"

"…don't cry…I'm happy…"

Malik felt Ryou's squeezing hand go limp.  Fatally limp…

"Ryou? RYOU??" Bakura ran for his brother, testing for a heartbeat, any signal of life.  Malik found Ryou extremely cold.

"No…" Malik stood up and backed away, whilst Bakura was kneeling over his brother, hot tears of distress and fury dropping over the relaxed body, "Bakura…it's not true.  Bakura!"

"…" Bakura said nothing, his own aching body shaking.

"He was just talking!  He was crying!! He was fucking _breathing_.  He's just sleeping…right, Bakura??"

Bakura just shook his head, more warm tears coursing down his contorted face.

Malik dropped onto the carpet, "No…it's not true!! It's NOT FUCKING TRUE!! It's all a goddamn LIE!!"

He scrambled to his feet and ran for the door, slamming it close behind him and raggedly gasping for breath as freezing rain soaked through his clothes.  Tears were lost and blended with the cold downpour.

'…as you tolerate this kind of dreariness, you just have to remember there will be a rainbow to cherish soon after…'

"…No……Ryou…gone?" Malik lifted his left hand to wipe his dripping hair from his face, but realized the quote book was tightly gripped in his numb hands.

He threw it onto the porch, where it landed at the feet of Bakura, who lifted his head to stare dully at Malik.

The older brother walked out into the pouring icy rain and grabbed Malik weakly by his clothes.

Malik just closed his eyes and murmured, "Go ahead and kill me.  It was my fault."

Bakura just buried his head into his classmate's shoulder, "My baby brother…he's gone…forever.  He's not coming back…"

~*~*~

It was not something you would see.  Usually there were a few people who stayed strong, to set an example, to make sure others would notice that everything would be okay.  But not for Ryou's small depressing funeral.  Everyone was choking back hateful fountains of tears.

At the end, it was only Bakura and Malik left.  Malik was sitting vapidly in the front row, head in hands as Bakura stood next to his little brother's final resting place.

Another fierce shudder went through Bakura, who clenched the edge of the coffin with shivering hands. 

Malik could not help but notice how Bakura was not taking this very well.

When Bakura felt the Egyptian approach him, he looked at him through watering eyes, "I-I didn't know what to do.  My little brother…six feet under or burned or whatever…didn't know what to do."

Malik sighed sadly and pulled the mourning brother into a comforting hug, "You did fine…damn…I'm going to miss him so much."

Bakura's tears soaked through Malik's black blazer, "At least he has his book and his favorite clothes and stuff…pictures of family…you too…" His ramblings continued, his voice breaking even more, "Oh, god…it hurts so much…"

Malik took one last glance at Ryou, finally resting peacefully.  Like he was sleeping.  He was always sleeping…Malik swallowed another round of tears.

"He always said to me," Bakura continued to mumble, pulling for the last memorable remnants of his time with his last family member, "When you were born, everyone around you was happy…and you were the one who was crying.  When I die, I'm going to be the one who is happy…and everyone around me will be crying…"

Malik detached himself from the hug and held Bakura by the shoulders, "And, I dare to believe, he was absolutely right…"

~*~*~

A/N: Review?


End file.
